The Early Warning Signs Worth Taking Seriously

In the first few weeks of seeing someone, it’s easy to explain away things that niggle at you. He was probably just tired. She’s likely just guarded because of her last relationship. Sometimes that’s true. But there’s a difference between someone having an off day and a pattern quietly forming, and learning to spot the difference early can save you a lot of heartache down the line. Trusting that nagging feeling a little sooner is usually kinder to you than talking yourself out of it for the third time.

Watch how they treat people who can’t do anything for them

How someone speaks to a waiter, a barman, or their own mum tells you far more than how they speak to you on date three, when they’re still on their best behaviour. If you notice flashes of rudeness or entitlement toward people in service roles, don’t file it under nerves or a bad day. That behaviour tends to widen, not shrink, once someone feels settled with you, because the performance naturally relaxes the longer you’re together.

Notice the pace they’re setting, and who controls it

Moving quickly isn’t automatically a red flag, some connections genuinely do happen fast and turn out fine. What matters is whether you both have a say in the pace, rather than one person quietly setting the speed for both. If one person is pushing for constant contact, big declarations, or meeting the family within a fortnight while brushing off any hesitation from you, that’s worth pausing on rather than flattered by. Healthy pacing usually feels mutual and unforced, not managed by someone else’s timeline.

Pay attention to how disagreements get handled

Every couple disagrees, that’s not the warning sign, and a relationship with zero friction in the early weeks is more unusual than one with the odd wobble. The warning sign is what happens next. Does the conversation end with both of you feeling heard, even if you didn’t agree? Or does it end with sulking, stony silence, or a sudden rewrite of what actually happened, leaving you doubting your own memory of the evening? Early disagreements are a preview of the next few years, so take note of the ending, not just the argument itself, because that’s where the real information lives.

None of this means treating every new date like a suspect in an interview. It just means paying attention with your eyes open rather than your hopes doing all the talking. A little healthy scepticism early on tends to protect the relationships that are actually worth having, rather than getting in their way.

It also helps to remember that noticing a red flag doesn’t obligate you to end things immediately. Sometimes it simply means slowing down, asking a direct question, and watching how they respond to being gently challenged. Someone who reacts with defensiveness or blame when you raise a concern is telling you something useful, just as much as someone who takes it on board with a bit of grace and self awareness.

For more inspiration, take a look at our guide to Modern Dating Myths That Deserve a Quiet Retirement.

You might also enjoy our guide to Love in the City: A London Valentine’s Guide if you are still planning your itinerary.