Getting Back Out There After a Long Stretch Alone

After a long period of not really seeing anyone new, dating can start to feel like a skill you’ve misplaced entirely. You used to know how to make small talk with a stranger, and now the idea feels vaguely alarming, like you’ve forgotten the rules of a game everyone else is still playing. If you’re feeling rusty, you’re not alone, and the good news is that confidence in this area comes back a lot faster than people expect once you actually start practising it again rather than waiting to feel ready.

Start smaller than you think you need to

You don’t have to leap straight into a big romantic dinner with someone new the moment you decide to get back out there. Reintroduce yourself to socialising gently, catch ups with friends you haven’t seen properly in ages, a casual coffee rather than a three course meal with someone you’ve just met online. Rebuilding the muscle of talking to people, full stop, makes actual dating feel far less like a big scary event and more like something you already know how to do.

Expect a bit of awkwardness and let it happen

You might fumble a sentence, forget how to end a conversation gracefully, or overthink a simple text for twenty minutes before sending it. None of that means you’ve forgotten how to do this, it just means you’re out of practice, the same way your legs feel odd after not running for a year even though you technically still know how. Give yourself permission to be a bit clumsy at first rather than deciding you’re simply bad at this now, because that story rarely holds up once you’ve had a few goes.

Be honest about what you actually want

Time away from dating often changes what people are looking for, and that’s worth sitting with rather than ignoring in the rush to get back to normal. Maybe you want something slower this time, or you’re less interested in games than you used to be, or you know yourself better now and can spot what doesn’t suit you much faster than before. Use that self knowledge rather than trying to pick up exactly where you left off, because the chances are you’re not quite the same person you were before, and that’s not a bad thing at all.

None of this needs to happen on a strict timetable either. Some people ease back into dating within weeks, others take the best part of a year, and both are perfectly normal responses to time spent away from it. Go at whatever pace actually feels sustainable, rather than the pace you think you’re supposed to be keeping.

Still deciding where to go next? Our guide to Keeping a Long Relationship From Going Stale might help.

For more inspiration, take a look at our guide to The Best Date Ideas in London for Every Kind of Couple.